Poison & Wine
by KylieCreations
Summary: Erica centric story picking up right after she learns that Bianca didn't have an abortion. Not quite AU, but I'm taking enough creative liberties that it might as well be.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: MUST READ**  
Before I even get into the plot, this will contain some adult themes that might upset some people.

There will be drinking while pregnant.

Some talk/thoughts of suicide.

And some conversations around unwanted pregnancy, sex, rape, etc..

 **If any of those things upset you, turn around now.**

If you're still here, awesome. I think you are in for one hell of a ride. This is set RIGHT after Erica finds out that Bianca didn't have her abortion. **It's the same general setup, but I'm taking some of my own creative liberties and there will be NO baby swap**. You will find out who the father is (you'll know what that means in like 2 chapters) but not until we near the end as it's not crucial to the story.

This is Erica centric, though, you will find appearance's from most of PV. Erica is my Queen and I only do this because someone needed to all those years ago. My rule has always been if I can see her/them in my head, then it's in character.

I'd call this definite David/Erica/Jack piece. I'd also advise you to watch the David/Erica/Bianca scene at her penthouse after Thanksgiving 2003, because it's going to play a pivotal role in this.

Alright, and now on with the show...

 **Chapter 1**  
  
"If you and Bianca would have told the truth from the start, none of this would be happening."

"If you wouldn't have been so insistent that I have DNA test, none of this would have happened," Kendall shouted back, as she chased behind Ryan.

Despite it being a gorgeous day, Memorial Park was quiet, almost eerily so, and would make their search far easier.

"I can't keep doing this with you," He was shouting, eyes in front of him as he scanned the empty spaces of the park. "We have to focus and find your Mother."

"Why is everyone so concerned about what Erica is or isn't doing?" Kendall hissed, "It's not our fault she has unresolved issues of her own and can't deal with Bianca's choice."

"She's not alright, Kendall. Anyone who saw her leave the courthouse knows that."

"I was focused on my sister, where we should all be focused right now. Let Erica have her pity party. Bianca needs me."

"Bianca is fine," He told her, as they neared the end of the Memorial Park and headed toward the cemetery.

"The entire town is out looking for her when we should be focused on Bianca."

He nodded, not really paying attention any longer. If she had seen the look on Erica's face after the reveal. The blank stare in her eyes. The complete lack of emotion that washed over her, she would agree with him. She would understand why Jack was so worried, why he'd asked them to do this.

Erica wasn't answering her phone. She wasn't at Enchantment or the penthouse. Her car was in the driveway, though, which meant wherever she'd gone, she'd gone on foot.

It was going to be dark soon, and while everyone knew that Erica Kane could handle herself, they still wanted to find her; get her home before she injured herself or did something she would surely regret.

"She's probably just crying to Mona," Kendall scoffed, done with the whole thing. If Erica wanted to throw a tantrum, she would and there was nothing anyone could do. They should just let her be and stop giving her the attention that she was desperate for.

Ryan ground to a stop, and whipped around to face her. "You're a genius," He offered, "I know where she is."

He was walking again before she could speak. They'd just crossed the edge of the park and were in the cemetery. They were going to Mona's grave.

They both spotted her before they could even fully see the grave and it was a sight neither of them expected.

There was Erica Kane, passed out on her back, a bottle resting to her left.

"Jesus, Erica…" Ryan was saying as they made their way to her.

"Oh my god, Mom…." Kendall cried despite herself.

Ryan was already on the ground next to Erica, checking her vitals.

Kendall picked up the bottle. "She's drunk." It was part statement, part question. She'd come up with a million possible things that Erica was off doing, and this wasn't one of them. Erica's sobriety was so important to her that they all believed she would never drink. And now here she was, an empty bottle of Vodka at her side as she laid unconscious at the foot of Mona's grave.

Ryan nodded. "She's breathing, that's a good sign and it doesn't look like she's vomited." He was saying her name, touching her cheek, trying to get any kind of response out of her.

"The bottle is empty," She was shaking her head as she looked down at Erica, "She's only been out here less than an hour."

Ryan nodded, understanding the situation. She was to petite to have ingested that much alcohol in such a sort amount of time, and the effects could be dire. "I don't want to wait for an ambulance."

Kendall nodded, watching as Ryan moved to pick up Erica. Ryan settled Erica's limp frame into his arms, and started for their car. Nothing in any of this thoughts had prepared him for this.

Jack had warned that she wasn't herself. That she was falling apart and wasn't thinking clearly. He was worried she might do something rash; something she couldn't take back. And he had been right.

All he could hope now was that they weren't to late.

 **To be continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Kendall called the hospital as they drove, ensuring that they would be greeted by the best Pine Valley Hospital had to offer, upon their arrival.

Joe Martin met them at the door, gurney ready and waiting. David was on his way down to check her heart and there was team getting ready should she need her stomach pumped.

Jackson and Bianca arrived after Joe and David had taken her into an ER room already. He was pacing the waiting room, wondering what could possibly have happened to send her here?

They hadn't told them about the empty bottle of Vodka, wanting to spare the details until the hospital confirmed that she was going to be alright.

"I don't understand, she wasn't even gone an hour," Jack worried, eyes on Ryan and Kendall. "There was nothing to tell you what happened? They paged Hayward, so they must be worried it's her heart…"

"I think they were just making sure she got the best care she could as quickly as she could," Bianca rationalized, "She's going to be okay."

Kendall and Ryan exchanged worried glances. Even if she was physically okay, there was no telling what her emotional and mental state would be. Based on how drunk she was, it seemed unlikely that this was a one-time thing.

Jack opened his mouth to question them further, when David emerged from Erica's room.

He liked spent; like he'd just run an emotional gauntlet and was trying to figure out how to compose himself.

Jack was first to him, Bianca followed quickly behind. Kendall and Ryan paused to take in the sight of him, and the glance he was tossing them.

"David?" Bianca breathed, eyes wide as she studied his face. "Is Mom okay? What's wrong with her?"

He swallowed back a hard breath, and then forced it out. Trying to steady his nerves. She was alive. She was going to be alright, at least physically, but he was more worried about her than he'd ever been. They'd keep the truth about Bianca's pregnancy from her for this very reason. Because they feared she'd end up right where she was, in his ER room, drunk and incredibly close to alcohol poising. "She's fine and she's awake," He started, easing them into what was coming next.

Kendall and Ryan already knew, and had moved to stand at Bianca's side, already anticipating what the revelation was going to do to her.

"But?" Jack said sensing his hesitation, "What happened? Why is she here?"

David's eyes flicked to Bianca. He wished he could spare her this, and he worried what the stress might do to her pregnancy. "Before I tell you what's happened, I need everyone to take a deep breath and to remember how much you love Erica."

Jack narrowed his eyes at David, not liking the delay. "What's wrong with her, David? Stop with the theatrics and just tell us."

"She's drunk."

"What?" Bianca cried, "No, no Mom doesn't drink."

"You can't be serious? You're implying that Erica has fallen off the wagon, turned to alcohol?"

He could hear the anger and frustration in Jack's voice. He didn't blame him. An hour ago the last thing he thought he'd be doing is tending to a drunken Erica Kane. "I know it's hard…but she is drunk. So much so that you can smell the alcohol on her."

Bianca covered her mouth and stifled a cry, while Jack shook his head refusing to believe.

"We're stilling waiting for her test results to come back to tell us her blood alcohol level, but seeing as there was an empty bottle of Vodka found with her, we are expecting it to quite high."

Jack's eyes locked on Kendall. "You found a bottle of Vodka with her? You didn't tell me?"

Kendall opened her mouth to answer, but Ryan answered for her.

"That was my decision, Jack. I thought it was best to make sure we got her here and checked out before we started talking about what was going on with her."

Bianca blinked back tears, and looked at David. "You said she's alright?"

"She's responding to our commands. Her reflexes don't seem to be impaired. We've got her on an IV and are administering fluids. I think we are going to be able to avoid having to pump her stomach, but I can't know that for sure until we have the test results back."

The colored drained from Bianca's face, and tears slipped down her cheeks. Kendall held her as she swayed on her feet.

Jack pushed out a hard breath, as he tried to understand. "My god…"

David nodded. This wasn't easy on anyone. No one still in her room wanted to see her in this condition. "We're going to keep her overnight at least, depending what her tests come back to say. Joe will come out and tell you when it's alright to see her."

Jack nodded, but Bianca spoke first. "Does she want to see us?"

She hadn't asked to see anyone. In fact, she hadn't said much of anything since she'd regained consciousness.

"Maybe it's best if only Jack goes in, at least for now." It was Kendall and Bianca keeping the truth from her that set this in motion, and he worried if either woman went in to see her, it would only push her further into her emotional hell.

Jack offered him a weary smile and extended his hand. "Thank you."

"Erica is strong. She'll get through this. I'll let you know if we find anything in her test results, but she's okay for now. Hold onto that."

He hugged Bianca after that, holding her close. "She'll be okay, Bianca. She's strong. Don't give up on her."

She gave him a watery smile and nodded, before Kendall and Ryan lead her away.

He stopped by the door to her room on his way back to his office. He could just see her through the glass. She looked away from the nurse, her arms folded protectively across herself. Her eyes were blank and lifeless and she seemed like she was a million miles away. He had tried to talk to her, tried to break through the pain, but she wouldn't even look at him. Considering how angry she was at him, that wasn't unexpected. It just worried him that she wouldn't even tell him how angry she was, how much she hated him.

"Dr. Hayward," A woman said from behind him, "I've got Ms. Kane's test results."

David nodded and turned to face her. "Thank you, Karen." She nodded and left quickly, knowing what was inside and not wanting to be there when he saw.

He read them quickly, all were what he expected. Blood alcohol through the roof, yet still low enough they could avoid pumping her stomach. All other levels were normal, and there didn't seem to be a problem with her heart or organs. He was just about to the last result and ready to rule her safe to go home in the morning, when he saw it.

"Karen…" He called to her, his voice laced with shock. "These are Ms. Kane's test results?"

She nodded, confidently. "She's the only one in the ER at the moment."

He nodded and thanked her again.

He reached out the wall next to him to steady himself, his eyes still reading the same line over and over again.

She was pregnant. It was right there. Clear as day. And nearly nine weeks along.

His mind raced as he processed the information. Clearly she had no idea. Clearly she wasn't expecting this. And even more clearly, this wasn't planned. He closed his eye and counted backward.

Nine weeks. Eight weeks. Seven weeks.

All the way back to Thanksgiving night in her penthouse.

"Jesus…" He grunted on a hard breath, still leaning against the wall for support.

She was in the room just to his left, drunk and rendered devoid of any emotion by the lies of her family. And now she was pregnant. And when he told her, she would look at him with those same emotionless eyes she was flashing to the nurses who was tending her, and tell him she didn't know who the father was.

 **To be continued**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** This will be the only D&E scene for a few chapters. This can't be soft. It can't be happy and gooey. It's got to be ugly. She hates him, thinks he's ruined her 'st tended to her after she was brought close to alcohol poising. They wouldn't be nice to each other here. She's dead inside and even knowing that, he won't placate her, he can't. (He never did! Watch the scenes after she found out he lied, right up until Miranda dies)

The father of the baby isn't important **YET,** and won't really be until down the line. So while D&E will know what happened and one or two others might find out, there won't be any real paternity drama for a time to come. I will fill in the details of Thanksgiving night, but again, it's not the most important part of the story.

 **Chapter 3**

He had to wait almost an hour for Jackson to leave.

He'd tried to distract himself with patients, with files, with anything he could possibly get his hands on that would help him to keep his mind off of her.

Off of the huge news he was sitting on. She didn't know. She couldn't. She wouldn't have gone on a bender like that if she knew she was pregnant. Erica was a lot of a things, but reckless and careless with a child wasn't one of them.

What was she going to do with this news? How would she take it? She would tell him he wasn't the father. She would insist that Jackson was the father and dismiss him from her room. He could count though, and nine weeks meant that no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't be sure.

How had they gotten themselves into this? None of this was supposed to have happened the way it was. They were only meant to protect Bianca. There wasn't meant to be a ruse, a pretend affair that ended up daring them to resist what was happening between them. He should have stopped this before it ever started. Should have told the truth in the police station all those months ago. He should have never played along.

He forced out a strangled breath, trying to summon the courage to open her door. The nurses had left for the time being, but would return shortly with a sedative. That didn't leave much time.

She was wide awake when he walked in and turned her eyes on him immediately.

He'd never seen her like this. Never seen her usually so bright and vibrant brown eyes so dull and lifeless.

She watched him enter the room, watched him slid a stool next to her bed. Watch him sit. And said nothing. She didn't even move. The only signs she was alive and conscious was an occasional blink.

"How you feeling?" David asked as he sat down.

She stared up at him, studying the lines of his face, the way his eyes flashed and burned into her. "Oh those gorgeous brown eyes, and the smooth, soft voice of yours. I'd almost think you care, doctor."

David forced at a hard breath, he didn't want to do this with her. "You know I how much I care."

She nodded, but her eyes didn't spark and burn against him. Her voice was devoid of the usual fire and venom she liked to throw at him. "Just enough to break my heart. Tear my life to pieces."

"I didn't come here to talk about that," He warned. "I've got your results back."

"Oh?" She asked, raising a curious eyebrow at him. "Am I going to die?"

His eyes slipped shut and he winced. That was the most alive he'd heard her sound since she's regained consciousness and it chilled him to the bone. "No. Lucky for you, you're stuck with us for a long time to come."

"That's wonderful isn't? Sentenced to long life of pain and lies."

He didn't know where she was, what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers, but he couldn't get to her. "It's better than being dead, Erica."

"So says you, doctor God." She turned away from him at that, done with him. Done with anything to do with life, love and happiness. She didn't anything worth holding onto anymore. "When are you releasing me?"

"Tomorrow," He told her, unflinching at her icy tone. "There's something we need to talk about first. Something in your test results."

"If it's life threatening, you have my permission to deny treatment. Let me die."

"Damn it, Erica," He shouted.

She jumped slightly, caught off guard by the force of his words.

"Don't take care of yourself for you. Don't do it for Bianca. Or Jack. But damn it, do it for your baby."

He watched her eyes flash at that, as confusion danced through them. He had been right, she didn't know. "You didn't know, did you?"

She refused to look at him. To acknowledge what he was saying, despite the fact that she'd been suspecting for the past week.

"You're nine weeks. Meaning you conceived on or around Thanksgiving."

She scoffed at him, still refusing to look at him. "It's not yours." She closed her eyes once the words left her mouth. She sucked in a breath and let it go slowly and painfully. Her chest was tightened and her heart suddenly ached. He saw right through her. Knew she was lying. She couldn't be sure whether this was his child or Jacksons.

"You're know you can't say that for sure without a DNA test," He told her, watching her turn now, watching her emotionless eyes lock with his.

She raised an eyebrow at him, challenged him to push her. "Jackson is the father."

"You better hope he is," He shot back. If she wanted to play this game, he would. If she wanted to throw punches and go for blood, he would give as good as he got. "because I won't have my child swimming in vodka."

She winced at that, hurt at the implication. Surely he didn't believe she would have bought that bottle of vodka if she knew she was pregnant? "Lucky it isn't yours then."

He jumped up from the stool at that, and put his hands on either side of her face. Turning her to look at him. "Whatever hell you are in. Whatever pain has put that look in your gorgeous eyes. Whatever has taken the life from your cheeks…fight it, Erica. Fight back. Push and pull. Claw your way out. Do not lose yourself. You're stronger than this."

Her eyes were closed, and she was biting her lip. Forcing back tears. She shook her head forcefully. Who the hell did he think he was?

"I know you're in there, Erica and I know you will find your way out. And that's why I'm going to walk out of here and not say a word about the possibility that this child is mine. But if you end up in here again, I will lay it all to bare." He moved his hands from her cheeks and stepped back from the bed.

She turned her head instantly, defiantly. "Do whatever you want, David. What's a little more pain and misery?"

"I'll be back in the morning to check on you." He turned and left then. He didn't look back until he was outside the door, until he was sure it closed behind him. He leaned against the wall just outside the doorframe. He closed his eyes and took slow, deep breaths. Trying to slow his racing heart. He wanted to run back in there and pull her into his arms, hold her and let her cry. Let her scream. Let her ache and burn from the betrayal. He wanted to take it all away.  
She was too far lost to them for that to happen. To far lost in the pain to think clearly and rationally. She wanted out of there so she could have a drink. He saw it all in her eyes. In cool, icy reaction she had to the news of her pregnancy.

It was going to take everything they had pull her back from the brink.

And if they stumbled even once, they ran a real risk of losing her.

 **To be continued**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** So here begins the part of the fic that people are going to struggle with. Erica is an addict. At this point it was booze. She is dead inside and unable to feel any love. Rational Erica would NEVER want to go to a bar when she's pregnant, but this is not rational Erica. I also don't plan to have her passed out drunk again, and I promise I won't write anything that would realistically cause distress to a baby. She's got to struggle against it, and the only way to do that is to make her struggle against it.

Probably won't get to update until the weekend, so enjoy this until then!

_

 **Chapter 4**

They'd sent her home the next day. But not before they'd sent Dr. Clader in to conduct an ultrasound. He lectured her on the dangers of drinking while pregnant and begged her not to take another drink.

He had confirmed the pregnancy; she 9 weeks and three days. He put the conception on Thanksgiving, give or take a day or two. She wanted to tell herself the few days' leeway took David out of the running as the father, but she knew that wasn't the truth. If anything, it made it even more likely that he was the father.

Jack and the kids were thrilled. She was trying to be. She wanted to be happy. Wanted to get used to the idea of another child. Wanted to be excited and planning a nursery, like Jack and the kids were already doing.

She wanted a lot of things that she couldn't have. She wanted Bianca not to be having the monsters baby. She wanted have not been betrayed by Kendall. And David…she wanted David back. Back before he lied about Bianca still being pregnant, back before the mere thought of him and what he'd done made her want to drink. She wanted to turn back the last year, and start it all over again.

What she wanted most a glass of champagne or some more vodka.

"How was your meeting?" Jack wondered, crossing the living room to be near her.

He meant the meeting that she didn't go to?

"Good. Good. Helped a lot." She deadpanned, hoping this was the end of the questions. She was tired and wanted to take a nap, if they would just leave her in peace.

"When is your next one?" Bianca asked, studying her mother's. She was lying. She hadn't gone to her meeting and she had no plans to.

"A couple of days," She answered dryly, eyes focused on anything but Bianca. But the truth that stared her in the face every time she looked at her.

Jack nodded. "Good. And how are you feeling?"  
She shrugged, "I'm fine."

Bianca shook her head. She didn't like this. Didn't like the cold, blank look in Erica's eyes. Didn't like the icy tone to her words or her tense demeanor. She had to believe that her mother, couldn't drink while she was pregnant. That she was strong enough to fight her demons, even if it was just for the baby. Everything about her mother screamed that she needed a drink, and she was legitimately concerned that the temptation would still be too much.

"Can I get you anything before I go pick up Lily?" Jack wondered, "Have you eaten?"

"This morning."

Bianca tossed Jack a worried glance, "I can make us something for a snack."

Erica shrugged. "Whatever you want, sweetheart."

Jack stopped to talk to Bianca on his way out the door. "Make sure she eats. I'll be back before Coral is done with dinner we can all eat together."

She offered him a soft smile, hoping he didn't see the worry in her face. "Do you want something sweet? I think we have some cookies or I could make us some sandwiches."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat, Mom." Bianca reminded her. "Don't you want to have a healthy baby and a strong pregnancy?"

Erica whipped her head around to look at Bianca now, eyes dead and lifeless. "What I want is a drink!"

Bianca shook her head. "Don't say things like that."

"Like what, Bianca?" Erica questioned, taking a step toward her daughter. "I want a drink. I want a drink because my life is nothing but lies and betrayals. Because everyone I love and cared about, decided that I wasn't strong enough to handle information that will change my life."

"We were trying to protect you."

"From what? From turning me into a drunk?" She hissed, "Well that worked well, didn't it?"

"You need to focus on the goods things, like the baby."

"Oh yes, the baby," She eyes shot down to her stomach, and she touched a few fingers to the barely there swell. "A gift from god, to ease my pain?" She asked, eyes on Bianca again.

"How can you be so cold?" Bianca wondered her voice choked with sadness.

"Cold? I'm not cold, sweetheart. I've just had my heart ripped to shreds. That's all."

"What's wrong with you?" Bianca gasped, eyes wide and filled with fear as she stared down her mother. "How can you not want your child? How can you not care? How can you be standing there waiting for me to leave, so you can go get a drink? This is everything you and Uncle Jack have ever wanted why are you determined to ruin it?"

Erica scoffed through a laugh. "You think this child is a miracle? You think it's my happy ending? It's probably not even…." She trailed off quickly, realizing that she had implied.

"Probably not even, what?" Bianca shot back, not liking the look in Erica's eyes. There was no love. No devotion. No warmth.

"Going to be born!" She shouted in reply. "Why would I care about the child I'm likely to miscarry anyway?"

Bianca shook her head. "You need help, Mom. If you want go to your meetings, let me call someone? Myrtle? Opal? David?"

"Don't you dare mention that man's name in this house," She demanded, "He doesn't get to rush back in here and play hero. Not after he broke my heart. Tore my life to pieces. Who does he think he is? Ruining my life and breathing life back into my soul."

There were tears in Erica's eyes now, and Bianca watched as a hand subconsciously landed against her stomach. Erica's words bounced echoed in her ears. "Mom…." She pushed out through a shaky breath, "is your baby…is David…"

"Get out!"

"Mom…" She tried to start, but Erica shook her head.

"Go! Now."

Bianca cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. "When you find your way out of this darkness Mom, I'll be here. Waiting."

"I'm sure you'll bring that monsters baby for a visit?" Erica shot back, turning away.

"Her name is Miranda," Bianca said proudly, "And she will be here waiting and loving you, just as much as I will."

Erica scoffed in reply.

"I love you," Bianca told her from the doorway. "And I'm not going to run away. No matter how hard you push."

Erica didn't acknowledge the closing of the door, and didn't look back. She moved quickly, gathering her purse.

There was a bar within walking distance and if she walked quickly, she could be there before the sun started to set.

 **To be continued**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** No Erica this chapter, have to move the plot along. She's in the next one, though. There is NO baby swap here, so Bianca has no reason not to lean on David. And as for David. I took the direction I did with him, because he knows Erica so well. There is no point in pushing her. In trying to make her do what they want. She won't listen and it will only send her further into desperation.

Also, I chose Thankgsiving as the night that something happened with David, because that's what we've long thought in the fandom. Before Thanksgiving, the ruse was light and fun. They were friends and they cared about each other, but nothing to emotional. That changed after Thanksgiving. Things were a bit more tense, a bit more emotional, a bit more "connected" if you will. And then Erica reaction to David knowing about Bianca still being...to over the top for EK for someone who was "just" a friend.

Erica's love interests aren't the point of this, neither is the father. But I need to lay the foundation. I promise Jack will get equal time and I will treat J&E with a lot of respect.

 _ **Reviews and feedback appreciated.**_

 **Chapter 5**

"Quite an ominous meeting spot," David smiled down at Bianca as he entered the pew, and slid in next to her.

She had called him quite upset only a few minutes ago, asking him to meet her here as soon as possible.

"Thought maybe a little prayer would help," She offered through a sad smile. "Thank you for coming on such short notice."

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly, not liking the look in her eyes. "Is it the baby?"

"No, no," She smiled, "Miranda is fine. It's Mom…"

He nodded at that, having known this is why they were here. He hadn't seen nor heard from Erica since the morning she was released from the hospital. What…two weeks ago, now.

"I thought it might be. What happened?"

"She's completely lost touch with reality, David. I can't get through to her."

He nodded. "Yeah, whatever Hell she's in right now is obviously too much for her."

"We were just trying to protect her."

"She'll get through it, Bianca. She just needs time to process everything."

"She's pregnant, David and I'm pretty sure she's on her way to a bar."

"We have to hope she can resist the temptation, it's all we can do." He didn't know how to get to Erica. He didn't know where they started or how they took the blank, cold look from her beautiful brown eyes. He had to believe she could resist the temptation. That rational, good, honest, hopelessly devoted mother, was still in there…already finding her way back to them. "I've tried to call her, but she won't return any of my messages."

Bianca nodded, not at all surprised. It was a miracle her mother hadn't completely shut her out and forced her from her life. "She's not to fond of me, either."

"She wants us to give up on her. As long as we keep letting her know that we're not leaving, we have a chance to pull her back."

"She threw me out a few minutes ago," Bianca told him quickly. "I've never heard that tone in her voice. Seen that look in her eyes, David. She's dead inside."

He nodded, and reached over to take her hand. "She will get through this," He said, hoping his words sounded more convincing to her then they did to his own ears. "Why did she throw you out?"

"Because I asked her if she wanted me to call you," She told him quickly, eyes on him as she watched him closely.

He laughed lightly, nodding. "I knew she was angry at me, but throwing you out at the mention of my name is a bit extreme, even for Erica."

"She threw me out because I asked her if it's possible that you're the father of her baby."

Her words hung in the air between them for a few tense moments. She studied his face, his eyes, the way his body tensed at her words. She watched his eyes flutter closed as he drew in a hard breath.

"Where would you get something like that, Bianca," He asked quickly, hoping she couldn't hear the tremble in his voice.

"Something Mom said last night," She tossed back, unwilling to give him time to back out of this. There couldn't be anymore secrets. No more lies. Nothing was going to come back and rip their lives apart any more than it already was. It all had to end now if they had any hope of rebuilding their lives. "How it wasn't fair that you get to break her heart and breathe life into her at the same time."

His eyes went wide at that, and he forced out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"And your reaction just now," She added quickly. "Is it possible that you're the father, David?"

"Jackson is the father," He told her, eyes locked with hers. How could he do this? Lie to her? Tell her the truth? After everything they'd been through, after all the lies and half-truths had cost them, how could he answer her that wouldn't destroy what little peace she had?

"That's what Mom says," She nodded, eyes still burning into his. "I'm asking you what you say. Is it possible?

He forced out a hard breath, and his eyes slipped shut. He didn't want to see the pain in her eyes, before he nodded. "Yes. Yes, it is possible that the baby is mine."

She was silent for a few seconds, letting the words echo in her head. They had promised nothing was going on between them. Promised they were being honest. Promised there was nothing being hidden or kept for her. "You said…" She started, trying to force the words out, trying to make it all come together as a coherent thought, "that nothing was going on. That you and mom were faking being lovers for the police."

"We were, Bianca. We didn't hide anything from you. We were as honest with you that night as we could have been."

"So it happened after Thanksgiving?" She wondered, watching him nod.

"It was actually that night." His eyes were closed again and he was trying to will his thoughts to stay in the present, and not go back to that night. To her. To them. "We didn't plan it. I swear to you, Bianca nothing about that night was planned."

She nodded for him to continue.

"After you left, Erica and talked for a while, and then I left. I didn't feel good about leaving her, but I couldn't stay. Sometimes you have to know when to walk away."

She raised a curious eyebrow at him, "But you came back?"

"She called me about ten minutes later and asked if I would come back, she didn't want to be alone," He confirmed, "I've always had a hard time denying Erica."

She smiled slightly at that, and nodded for him to continue.

"I told her I'd go pick up something to eat," He was trying to get it out quickly, before his mind betrayed him and images of that night started racing through his brain. "She hardly ate dinner, and we know she will push herself until she collapses."

"So you came back with dinner," Bianca continued, "And?"

He pushed out a hard sigh. "I went back with dinner and we turned on a movie, for some background noise. And then we ate Chinese takeout while we talked."

"About what?" She wondered curiously.

"You. Michael. What happened the night he died. We even talked about your Uncle Jack, anything she needed to talk about."

"And you weren't worried that this was all leading too…"

He shrugged and offered her a knowing smile. "This wasn't the first time we'd stayed up all night talking. We behaved ourselves that night and neither of us had any plans to do anything different."

"But something changed?"

"We fell asleep on the couch," He confirmed, "and didn't wake up until after two. It was late. I needed to leave, I had an early surgery…" He stopped and shook his head.

"You didn't leave…"

"She asked me to stay," He pushed it out quickly, without thinking. Needing the memories to stay right where they were, locked away in his brain. "I couldn't…I couldn't leave her. I don't know if she kissed me or if I kissed her or if fate pushed us together. We were playing with fire, Bianca. Tempting fate in every direction."

He hadn't let himself go back to that night since he'd left her penthouse. He pushed it all to the back of his mind. Tempered the feelings that burned in his heart. He forced away the feel of her skin under his hands. The way her lips tasted against his. The way her perfume smelled. The way she said his name. The way they'd moved together, like they hadn't ever been apart.

She studied his face. The way his eyes had slid shut. The way his lips twitched as if they wanted to smile at the memories. The way his body was clenched and pained. He was trying to keep it all at bay. Keep his heart in line. Keep the truth from pouring out. "You love her."

It wasn't a question or a statement. It was the truth he didn't dare speak.

He shook his head quickly, forcefully. "My feelings for your mother are complicated, Bianca."

"You love her," She said again more confidently this time.

"I care about her. I always will."

"You love her, David. I can see it in your eyes," She pointed out, "Not just that, but if this was any other woman, you would already have her locked away in a rehab facility or Oakhaven so she couldn't drink, while your lawyers worked on how to get you custody when the baby is born."

He laughed aloud at that, and nodded. She knew him well. "You've gotten to know me so well."

She flashed him a smile at that, and made sure he couldn't turn his eyes from hers. "You aren't doing that with Mom. You know that more stress and lies will tear her apart. You're not just protecting her because she's pregnant, you're protecting her because you love her."

"What do you want me to say, Bianca? Do I love Erica? Yes. Have I always loved her? Yes. Will I ever stop? Probably not. But what good does any of it do. She hates even the mention of my name."

"She loves me too, but right now she hates me. She doesn't know what she's doing," Bianca countered. "She's lost right now David, but maybe knowing how you feel maybe…"

"Maybe it will pull her back? Maybe it will put the life back in her eyes? Maybe it will take away her pain? Don't you think I've thought of all of that? Don't you think I almost told her while she was laying in my ER drunk and unconscious? It won't change anything. It's only going to make things worse."

She sighed. "You might be that baby's father, doesn't that count for something?

"A baby she can't even bring herself to want yet. It's all too much for her Bianca. Anything else is going to push her over the edge."

"So you'll just keep quiet? Let her keep self-destructing?"

"We can't make Erica do anything," He reminded her.

She shook her head. This wasn't right. "She needs something to hold onto."

"What good does her knowing do? She will always, always choose Jack." It was the truth and he wouldn't delude himself into believing knowing he loved her would somehow change anything.

"David…" Bianca started, but he shook his head.

"This has to stay between us, Bianca. We have keep it all inside and let your mother work through her demons without pushing or pulling her for any direction."

"And what if she's at a bar right now? What if she's getting drunk? She's pregnant!" She pleaded, "We can't just sit here and do nothing."

"We have to," He conceded, "We have to let her fall apart. If she can't fight the temptation not to drink for her child, she can't fight it for us. The only way she's going to get past these demons is to struggle with them. We have to let her find her own way out of it."

"You won't give up on her?" Bianca asked softly, letting his words sink in. He was right. They had to let Erica fight her own battle. She wouldn't be magically saved by words of love. By her baby. By Jack or anyone else. This was something she had to do on her own.

"I'll be right here when she decides she's ready to start feeling again."

It was going to be a long road. One they couldn't see the end of, yet, anyway. But they were willing to wait for her. Stand by and let the battle rage. Watch herself destruct, and fall to pieces. Watch her say and do things she would regret. Watch the light eventually start to find its way back into her eyes. Watch the color return to her cheeks. Watch the life pour back into her soul.

Watch her come back to them, however long it took.

 **To be continued**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I hope that when you read this, you are screaming at Erica not to do it. I hope when she does it, you are angry with her. You want to shake her and ask what the hell she's doing. But I also hope you feel her pain. Understand why she's doing what she's doing and want to give her the biggest hug you can muster.

Flashbacks in _Italics._

And again, I promise, no fictional babies will be harmed in the telling of this. I am doing my research and trying to keep this well with the scope of plausible before she would have to worry about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

 **Chapter 6**

She'd opted for Scotch this time. She was deluding herself. Taking herself into believing that there was less harm in her Scotch than the Vodka she really wanted.

The bartender was a nice young lady, who honored her request to pour only a shot worth of alcohol over the ice. It was how she felt better about this. How she convinced herself that it was alright. That a few of these, wouldn't hurt her or the baby.

She hadn't drunk any, yet. Instead she had her hand wrapped around the glass. The cool condensation against her palm daring her to pick up it up. Throw it back. Take away her pain. Part of her knew to leave the drink where it sat on the bar. Get up. Walk out. Go home eat something and get some rest. Take care of herself and this baby.

Her eyes drifted downward, landing on the small swell of her stomach. She was eleven weeks now, and on her small frame her child would be clearly visible soon. She was getting past the point where risk of miscarriage was highest. And each day she came closer to the reality that she might not lose this child.

She had convinced herself she would miscarry. That this would all have been over by now, so she could go buy another bottle of Vodka and drink herself into oblivion. She wasn't sure how to handle this, now. Did she even want this child? Jack's child or was it David's child? Did she want the drama and the questions? Did she want diapers and midnight feedings? Did any of that mater now? Now, when there was nothing left of her life. Nothing left of her heart.

She slid the glass closer, and her fingers curled tighter around it. It would be so easy to drink it. Ask for another and another. End up back at Pine Valley Hospital near alcohol poisoning.

It would all be so much easier if there was no baby to worry about.

Jack was likely out looking for her. He would be hoping she was at a meeting, but knowing somewhere in his heart where she was and what she was doing.

He had no right to be angry. He was a part of this. He knew Bianca was still pregnant and chose not to tell her. Chose to decide that she was too fragile to handle the truth. Chose to believe that he knew better than she did. He'd berated and chastised her in own living room, sure that she couldn't possibly know what was best for her. He'd made her feel small and out of control, like she didn't know who she was or how her heart and mind worked.

Who was he to tell her what to do? She was Erica Kane, damn it.

He said he loved her. Knew her better than anyone. Loved her more than anyone ever had or ever would.

She believed him. Or at least she used to. Before Greenlee. Before Michael Cambias. Before the baby Bianca insisted on forcing into their lives. Before it had all gone up in flames, she believed that Jackson was her soulmate. The one man who would never let her down. Never fail to be her rock. Her touchstone.

She wanted their life together. Lily. Reggie. The motley little family they had put together. It brought her happiness. It made her feel safe and protected.

Before they had all conspired to rip her heart out, she would have wanted this baby with all she had and relished its conception as completion of their family.

Now she couldn't even look at Jack when he mentioned the baby, afraid he would see the truth in her eyes.

That he might not be the father. That all they were still holding onto, working to rebuild was gone and growing inside of her as the worst betrayal he could ever imagine.

She and David had been tempting fate since that day in the police station. Each kiss. Each touch. Each moment alone. Fate was daring them to resist whatever was brewing between them. They should have stopped it. Should have had enough since to walk away. Let the chips fall however they were meant.

They should have known eventually they give in.

" _David," Her eyes fluttered slowly, and her voice was soft and drenched in sleep. "Are you leaving?"_

 _He nodded, down at her, a soft smile playing on her lips. He'd managed to get up from the couch without waking her, but she'd woken as he tried to move her into a more comfortable position. "We fell asleep. It's after 2am. I have an early surgery. "He'd come back over after she asked him to come back and sit with her._  
 _  
They'd had takeout Chinese and talked for hours before falling asleep on the couch._

 _She nodded up at him, forcing her eyes open so they could meet his._

 _She'd asked him to come back earlier, because she didn't want to be alone. Because she knew he would sit with her, and listen, be her voice of reason. She didn't want him to go now, because she didn't want to be without him. "Stay," She asked on a whisper._

 _His eyes were locked with hers, and a million different thoughts passed between them, but neither spoke._

" _Stay with me," She said this time, louder, more confident in where she was, what she was saying. What she wanted._

 _He shook his head and opened his mouth, but no words would come. His head was screaming at him to run. Go now. Don't look back. But his heart. His heart thundered loud and hard in his chest that he loved her, that they'd been dancing on this ledge for weeks, that this was where all roads lead._

 _She reached for his hand, but offered him no more words, as she pulled herself up._

 _She stood before him, close of enough that she could feel his breath. Her hand was warm in his and their eyes never left one another._

 _Move. Run. Go. Stop. Silent warnings that passed between them._

 _His hands moved to each side of her face, and he drew her close. It was too late. They were past the point of no return. The heavens could explode. The earth could start to swallow them up and they wouldn't be able to stop them._

 _She shuddered and leaned into his hands. Her eyes fluttered closed and he moved her closer to him, lips just out of reach._

 _They held their breaths, waiting one last second, to see if either had the will to pull away._

She didn't know if she kissed him or if he'd kissed her. Maybe fate had shoved them together. It didn't matter, who was first, because they were both wiling victims in fates horrible game.

They woke up a few hours later, naked and tangled together in a mass of spent passion. They didn't speak. They didn't need to.

He'd gotten dressed, tucked her in, and kissed her lips, before leaving.

They never spoke of it. And that damn test hadn't revealed that she was pregnant they would likely never have again.

She knew how he felt. That he loved her. That he would have gone up against Jack for real, if she let him. If that's what she wanted. But he didn't. He backed away respected what she wanted.

She was falling for him. Hard. Fast and with a rush of passion that she hadn't excepted. She'd been close to telling him. Close to asking him if he thought they could try again…when the truth came out.

Bianca was still pregnant. Still bringing that monsters spawn into the world.

And David knew. Helped her hide the pregnancy.

How could he do this to her? How could he make love to her, while knowing the truth was going to crush her soul? How could he hold her and tell her she would be okay? That Bianca would be okay? That they would move on.

Nothing would ever be okay again. Nothing would be left of their lives or their futures.

It was all gone.

She picked up the glass, and brought it to her lips, tipped her head back just enough so she could pour the copper colored liquid down her throat.

The glass wasn't even back on the bar before she was asking for another.

A double this time.

 **To be continued**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** This chapter is filler, because I need you in Erica's head again before the drama starts. You're not supposed to like Erica for the next few chapters. You're supposed to think she's selfish and self centred. I want you to hate her a little bit. I want you to think she needs to just suck it up and deal. It'll make it all the more satisfying when she starts to pull herself together. She can't just snap out of it though, she has to fight her way out. Battle her demons.

 **Reviews and feedback, please**! I KNOW people are reading. Let me know what you're thinking.

 **Chapter 7**

Her pregnancy was front page fodder now, and she was fielding calls and congratulations from every direction. The press was far less critical than she thought they would be, though, they were quick to point out that she'd fallen off the wagon while pregnant.

Her twelve checkup and ultrasound had come and go, three weeks ago, a month maybe? She wasn't counting. She couldn't be bothered.

The whole family had come along. Jack, doting husband? Fiancé? He wasn't any of those to her anymore, he'd lost that right when he'd walked out on their wedding. With Lily and Reggie in toe. Bianca had been invited, but had turned them down, saying she was busy. But they all knew the truth: She didn't want to be there. Couldn't stand the sight of Erica these days.

She'd listened to them coo and oh and aww over the baby, who despite everything was growing and developing normally. They talked names and midnight feedings. Joked about dirty diapers. They were happy. Excited. Ready to be a family.

She wanted drink and this child was making it hard for her to do so. She couldn't go to bars any longer, as no one would serve a visibly pregnant woman. And had to resort to hiding alcohol around her office and at home. Which was proving more and more difficult as someone always seemed to come by to check just that.

She didn't drink every day or a lot. Only having a splash here and there when she did.

She really only drank when she couldn't bare it anymore. Only when Bianca came by, proudly pregnant with her rapist's child. Or when Kendall showed up out of nowhere to try and make nice. Or when she ran into David on her way her out of her ultrasound.

Or anytime she breathed, really.

No one needed to tell her the dangers of drinking while she was pregnant. She knew what she was doing. She knew that it was wrong and she was putting her child's life at risk. But she couldn't help herself, and if she honest, she didn't want too.

Right now she was counting down the minutes until she was all alone, until she could pull her Vodka bottle out from her filing cabinet and get lost in it.

"What a blessing to have been given, darling."

Myrtle and Opal had surprised her at work. They'd come with gifts and good wishes. Bubbly and joy filled. Prattling on about miracles and gifts from God, and how fate always had a way of rewarding those who don't give up.

She wondered if she could wipe those smiles off their faces with news that Jack might not be the father. That everything they were spouting was likely a lie and this child was likely David's.

"So this means this little peanut would have been made right around Thanksgiving," Opal ginned, "Gives you something completely different to be thankful for, doesn't it?"

"Amazing you and Jack had time to make a baby with all the chaos that went on that night," Myrtle mused.

Erica nodded and smiled. Nodded and smiled. Went along with what they said. Pretended that she was interested. Pretended that any of this was what she wanted.

It was how she lived these days. Phony smiles. Perfectly timed nods and the occasional laugh. She didn't feel. Didn't care. Didn't want any of this.

Her family had all lied to her. Kept her in the dark and plotted for months, how to keep the biggest news of her life from her.

Bianca lied to her face. Looked into her eyes. Hugged her. Said she loved her. All the while knowing that bastard's child grew inside of her.

Jackson had insisted she couldn't take care of herself. Insisted she didn't know what she was doing and in the same breath claimed to love her. Claimed to want to spend the rest of his life, while simultaneously helping Bianca deceive her.

Kendall kept up with that damn lie and played along like she was some sort of victim in all of this. Some helpless and selfless wallflower who was only protecting her sister.

And David…

"Honey…." Opal asked, waving a hand in front of Erica. "Where did you go to just now?"

Erica gritted out a smile. "I'm sorry. So much is going on."

They nodded. "We were just wondering what you're hoping for?"

"Hoping for?"

"Sure are you wanting another Kane Woman or a cute little Montgomery Man?" Opal asked, and Myrtle nodded.

Her eyes drifted down to her stomach. She laid an obligatory hand over her baby, and smiled up at them. "I just want a healthy baby." She didn't care if this was a boy or a girl. She didn't care who the father was. She didn't even really care if the pregnancy went to term. What was the point of all of this? Nothing was ever going to heal the holes in her heart. Nothing was ever going to bring back the life she had before Michael Cambias came into their lives.

"Oh a little boy that looks just like Jackson," Opal cooed, a radiant smile titling her lips.

"With Erica's eyes," Myrtle nodded.

Or David's. She almost wanted to say it. Wipe the smiles off their faces. Bring them down with her, even just a little.

Why did they insist on doing this to her? On reminding her what a horrible person she was. What a terrible mother she was. Her daughters were liars and she was ambivalent to the child inside of her. She'd failed them and was failing this child. Why did they have to pretend that everything was alright? That life and happiness were something she deserved or even wanted any more.

Why couldn't they leave her be so she could have a drink?

 **To be continued**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Erica is a bitch sometimes. And she's even more of one when she's dead inside. Please bare with her and love her through it. It will be worth it in the end. You'll start seeing glimpse of Erica Kane peaking through the darkness's, but it'll be a while before her redemption starts. I promise, I've got this.

Also, I had to give David a moment with the baby, as Jack gets to be the dad in all ways that matter.

 **Chapter 8**

"She can't lose this baby," Kendall paced the waiting room, tears stinging the back of her eyes.

"They'll both be okay," Ryan comforted as he paced with her.

They'd gotten the call an hour ago, Bianca had been rushed to Pine Valley Hospital. The only update they had was that the staff was doing everything they could to ensure that she and the baby were alright.

Reggie was waiting in the chairs with Jack and Erica, though, Lily had remained at home.

"Why hasn't anyone told us anything?" Reggie wondered, and Jack shook his head.

"When they have something to tell, they will come out with an update. For now, we just have to wait and pray that they will be alright." He nodded to Reggie, and leaned over to put his arm around Erica. "How are you holding up, sweetheart?"

How was she holding up? She hadn't had drink in almost a week and she was losing her mind.

Did he want the truth? That she was praying furiously that Bianca's labor couldn't be stopped, that the baby didn't make it.

Or did he want the lie? That she was praying furiously that both Bianca and her baby were just fine and they would all be one big, happy, family.

She settled on avoiding the topic all together. "I'm fine," She said through a smile. She wondered why he believed her. Why didn't he question her? Why didn't he know that a soon as she could get away, she was going to have a drink? Or maybe he knew exactly what she was thinking and what she planned, but chose to not to have the same fight yet again.

"Do you want to go for a walk, get some air?" Jack asked, studying her face. She was a million miles away and completely devoid of any real empathy for the situation. And he was at a loss how to help her. Nothing he did or tried broke through the walls she'd thrown around her heart. He couldn't get her to meetings and he couldn't make her talk to anyone. They were all standing by watching helplessly as she drifted further and further from them.

"I'm fine," She said again, trying to widen her smile. It was painful; faking your way through every day. Painting on smiles and pretending that you cared. That the sight of your own family didn't make your ill.

"Do you want something to eat?" Reggie asked, leaning over Jack so he could talk to Erica. "Gotta put some weight on you and my little brother or sister."

Jack smiled at that, and nodded to Erica. She hadn't eaten since dinner the night before. "I think that sounds great. Do you have preference? Sweet or savory?"

Her eyes drifted down to her stomach and the clearly visible mass that was her child. She was all belly and from behind Jack said you couldn't even tell she was pregnant.

If only.

She was pushing eighteen weeks and this child was determined to remind her that he or she was there with tiny feet constantly shoved into her bladder. They, Jack and the kids had opted not to find out the sex, wanting a true surprise from the experience.

She didn't care to know. It was terrible. It was mean. It was selfish. And she knew it. But that didn't change anything. How was she supposed to feel anything for this child, when she felt nothing for any part of her life? How was this child supposed to heal her heart when there was nothing left of heart to heal?

"Surprise me," She answered after a few seconds of silence.

Reggie nodded and got up from his chair. He didn't get any further, as David emerged from Bianca's room.

"David?' Kendall was immediately at his side, Ryan next to her. "Is Bianca okay? Miranda?"

Jack, Erica and Reggie crossed the short distance to where David stood and waited for his answer.

He offered them a soft smile and nodded. "They're both just fine. I think there's bit a little to mush stress lately. We are going to keep her overnight for observation but I don't anticipate any more problems."

Kendall blew out a hard breath and moved to hug David. "Thank you. Thank you."

Jack shook his hand, and Ryan followed. Reggie mumbled a quick thank you.

Erica didn't move or speak, staring at the door to Bianca's room.

The nightmare wasn't over.

David had swooped in once again to play God.

"Can we see her?" Kendall asked, already heading for the door.

"Not everyone at once," David nodded in her direction, though his eyes were still fixed on Erica. He'd seen the anger flash through her eyes at his words. She hated him for this. For being Bianca's doctor. For helping save the baby, more than once.

Kendall was already headed into Bianca's room, while Ryan waited outside.

"I'll go downstairs and get us those snacks," Reggie started.

"I'll go with you, call Lily why we're down there," Jack added. "Do you want to wait here, honey and we can go see Bianca when we get back?"

She nodded in his direction, attention still focused on the door to Bianca's room. If she went inside, it would probably stress Bianca out so much she went into labor again.

It was a tempting thought.

"We'll be back soon," Jack told her before he and Reggie headed for the elevator.

David slowly closed the distance between himself and Erica, gauging her reaction to him.  
She refused to acknowledge him or the fact that he was close enough now that she could smell his cologne.

"It might be best if you saw Bianca alone," He advised, though she offered him no reaction. Refusing to look at him or acknowledge his presence. "Erica?" He questioned.

"I'm not going to see Bianca," She finally pushed out through a hard breath, still refusing to look at him.

He shook his head, unwilling to do this with her. "She needs you."

She shrugged. "She didn't need me when she decided to lie about terminating her pregnancy."

"We were trying to protect you, Erica." There was still no life in her. No life in those eyes he knew so well.

She scoffed through a laugh, "Protect me? From what exactly? Booze? Pills? Falling into bed with men I hate?" She directed the last line at him, finally flicking her eyes up to meet his.

"Yes," He nodded, "Yes. From all of that. All we wanted to do was make sure you took care of yourself and didn't do anything you'd regret."

"Worked well, didn't it?" She spit back, starting past him. She didn't want anything to do with him, but her child seemed to enjoy this, and was wildly kicking his or her feet.

He reached out to take her forearm, stop her. Make her face this. "Why are you doing this, Erica? Fighting us all so hard. We were trying to keep this from happening. Trying to keep that look out of your eyes."

She was still looking at him, cold, blank eyes locked with his. "You say that like you care. Like you didn't just swoop in, yet again, and play hero to Bianca and that monsters child."

"Bianca is my patient," He fired back at her, if this is the game she wanted to play, he would give as good as he got. "I have to do everything in my power to save her, save her child."

"You should have let it die," She hissed, trying to pull her arm from him.

"It's a girl and her name is Miranda," He challenged, needing to make Bianca's child real. Make her face it. Make her deal with it.

"It is inconsequential," She bit back, and tried again to pull her arm from his grasp. He wasn't holding her tight, and if she wanted, she could have already.

"What is wrong with you?" He wondered watching her shake her head back at him. "Erica Kane doesn't run. Erica Kane doesn't hide behind a bottle of alcohol. Erica Kane fights back until she wins. Where is she?"

"She's dead, David. I'm dead inside. Don't you get it? Everyone I love lied to me. Decided that I wasn't strong enough or stable enough to handle information that was vital to my life. All of you decided that you got to play God, and you left me at the mercy of the Devil." Her voice cracked slightly and she blinked back tears. "You might as well have let me die that night in the ER, put me out of my misery."

His eyes fluttered shut and sucked in a hard breath. If he thought she would let him, he'd take her in his arms and never let go.

She shook her head, and thumbed at an errant tear. "You all stand there and tell me that you love me. That you would do anything for me. But all of you lied to my face. Looked me in the eyes, and put a knife my heart. Why should I care about Bianca? About that child she insists on forcing into my life? What do I get from all of this?"

He was blinking back tears now, and his hand slid down her forearm, so he could hold her hand. She was probably going to punch him, tell him to go to hell. But he didn't care. He couldn't let her hurt like this.

"And this child…" She let out a soft sob at that, "I don't even know if I want it, David. And yet here it, alive and kicking…" She took their joined hands and opened his palm, before laying it against her stomach, "Determined to be born and I can't make myself feel. Anything."

He could feel small barely there kicks against his palm. This child was alive. Healthy. Growing and flourishing, no matter how hard she tried to deny its existence.

She was crying now. Hot, fast tears, sliding unabashedly down her cheeks.

"Erica…" His voice was soft and soothing, and his eyes were full of love when they met her again.

She shook her head and didn't bother to brush away her tears. There wasn't time for that. "No. No," She couldn't, she wouldn't do this. She wouldn't let him make her feel. Make her give in to the pain. Make her face the reality of it. She stepped back quickly, and far enough away that his hand slid from her stomach. She didn't say anything else, turning quickly and moving as quickly down the hall as she could.

She wouldn't be here when Jack and Reggie returned. She wouldn't be there when they all went in to see Bianca and coo over the safety of her baby.

She would be at home. Safe from the lies. Safe from the betrayals. Safe from the poison they were to her soul. Tucked away in her penthouse nursing a Vodka on the rocks.

 **To be continued**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Erica is going to have to spiral a bit more before I can begin her true redemption. It's coming. But it's a long road back from where she's at back into the light. I know her ambivalence to the baby is hard to read, but she can't feel love for anyone at the moment, and the baby is caught in the cross fire.

 **Please, review. Offer some feedback. Criticism. Anything. I would really love to hear what everyone is thinking. (I can see you reading, haha)**

 **Chapter 9**

Jackson had invited himself and the kids over for a family dinner.

Pizza. Soda. Popcorn. Movies. The typical happy family Friday night fodder.

They were laughing, talking, pretending that life was happy and moving on, like there was some kind of light in their lives.

They were talking baby names. What name was best suited to go with Montgomery, Lily had mused? Her mind running through all the possible combinations of how best to name a child.

Reggie was less serious, suggesting names like Regina and Jackson Junior.

"What about Leo for a boy?" Bianca suggested, looking across the couch at her mother. She would say it was a tribute to the young man they'd both loved and lost, and no one would question her.

Erica nodded deftly. If it was a boy they could call him whatever they wanted. If it was a girl, they could call her whatever they wanted. She had no opinion on anything to do with anything her life. How could she? They didn't trust her judgement on any other aspect of her life, why would the let her have any say in naming her child?

"Leo Montgomery," Lily said, testing the name.

"Why would we want something connected to Hayward?" Reggie wondered.

Because he might be the father? She could probably get them all to leave if she let the words leave her mouth. They would probably never come back. She could have a glass of Vodka in her hands in only a few minutes, if she said it.

The thought was more than tempting.

"It's not about David, it's about Leo," Bianca interjected. "He was a big part of my life and lived with me and Mom."

"If we wanted to do a name for someone we loved and lost, what about Travis?" Jack asked of them all, but it was Erica he directed the question to.

Did they not understand that she didn't care?

"After Daddy," Bianca smiled, "Travis Leo Montgomery. It sounds really nice."

Everyone nodded, but Erica didn't react. Instead she kept her attention straight in front of her, where it had always been. There was no emotion in her face. No joy in her eyes.

"What about for a girl?" Reggie wondered, "You're already using Mona for Miranda's middle name…"

Bianca's eyes went wide and she was shaking her head in his direction. Trying to get him to stop. Trying to stop this from happening.

Erica jumped up, shaking her head as she paced the length of the couch.

"Mom," Bianca started, but Jackson cut her off.

"Erica, sit down, let's talk about this."

"How dare you want to sully my mother's name by attaching it to that bastard's spawn," Erica cried, eyes wide and blazing as they went between Bianca and Jack.

Bianca stood up, and moved toward Erica. "I want her to have a strong, powerful name. I want her to be Kane Women in all the best ways."

"Your grandmother is turning in her grave," She words were hard, pointed, filled with anger.

"Erica," Jack started moving toward her, "Listen to what Bianca is telling you. I think it's…."

"You think it's beautiful. Touching. That Mona would hug Bianca and tell her what an honor it is that she's naming her rapists baby after her," Erica spit back, unwilling to hear another word of this. He obviously knew. He'd obviously helped keep another secret from her.

Jack saw Reggie taking an increasingly upset Lily from the room, and shook his head in Erica's direction. "I know you're surprised, and upset by this…"

"Upset?" Erica laughed, eyes dark and empty as she looked from Jack to Bianca. "I'm not upset. You can't get upset when you're dead inside. No. No. What I am is a naïve. Gullible."

Bianca shook her head and blinked back tears. "You love Kendall. You're able to see past who her father is. I want the same for Miranda. I want her to know that she's loved. That she's from a strong, brave, resilient line of women. That her father doesn't decide her future."

"You both stand there and pretend to be so noble, so honorable. So much better and holier than the rest of us. But your nothing more than liars."

Jack stepped toward her, attempting to reach for her.

"Don't you touch me," She hissed. "You've spent the last month trying to win me back. Trying to get us back to where we were. Telling me you love me, you can't live without me. That this baby is our gift from fate and a sign of us being meant to be, and all the while you were lying yet again."

"No one lied to you, honey. We were just waiting for the right moment to tell you."

She raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to continue. Challenging him to dig in deeper, break what was left of her will to live. "Oh yes, that's the excuse right? Waiting for the moment you think is best," She was yelling now, her body trembling from the force of the words.

Bianca was watching her, taking in the way she stood and the way her body tensed. None of this was good for the baby. "Mom, stress isn't good for the baby…"

Erica whipped around, eyes blazing. "That's all the two of your care about, isn't it? Babies. Innocent lives that have no responsibility for the actions of their parents. Don't get stressed Erica, it's not good for the baby. Don't drink, Erica. It's not good for the baby," She told him, angry and bitterly. "What do I care about this baby? What am I supposed to do with him or her? How am I supposed to love him or her, when I can't even feel love for either of you, the two most important people in my life?"

Bianca thumbed tears from her cheeks. "How can you say these things? How can you be so cold? I don't even know who you are anymore."

"That makes two of us," She bit back.

"Erica…" Jack tried to reason.

"Get out!" She demanded.

"Erica," Jack started, but she shook her head and pointed to the door.

"Get out!"

Bianca turned her eyes to her Uncle, and nodded slowly, conceding defeat.

"We can't leave you like this," Jack tried to reason.

"I said get out!"

Jack sighed and offered her a nod. "We love you, sweetheart. Remember that."

Bianca took a step toward her, and reached for hand. "She isn't a monster, Mom," She started, trying to lay Erica's hand on her stomach. "She's a Kane Woman. She is strong. She is stubborn. And she is going to be so beautiful. Don't give up on her before you've even met her."

Erica jerked her hand way, and shook her head. "I will never accept that you chose to bring that child into our lives."

Bianca nodded, tears hot and wet on her cheeks. "Don't say things you might regret."

Jack had gone to the kitchen to get Lily and Reggie, and they were gathered near the front door waiting for Bianca.

"I don't say things I don't mean," Erica challenged watching them all stand at her door. They were going to leave, and hopefully not return.

Jack kept his eyes on Erica, as he motioned the rest of the family out the door. "Will be here when you're ready to come back to us, sweetheart."

He pulled the door closed behind him.

She was already across the living room, removing her bottle of Vodka from its hiding place.

She didn't get a glass this time, instead deciding that the bottle itself would make her pain disappear faster.

 **To be continued**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Erica often says things she doesn't mean and regrets them later. This is one of those times. Please bare with her and love her. She will get through it.

 **Chapter 10**

"Oh god, David. Thank you for coming." He wasn't even off the elevator yet, and Bianca was motioning for him to follow her. "She's not making any sense…"

He nodded. "Slow down, Bianca. What happened?"

"She's pacing the living room. Rambling about anything and everything. She's not really making any sense. Coral found her like this, this morning and called me and Uncle Jack. Reggie and Kendall both stopped by before we could get here. I don't think that helped things."

"Has she been drinking?" He asked, hating himself for having to think the worst, but needing to know what exactly he was dealing with.

Bianca shrugged, unsure of anything other than Erica's erratic behavior. "There's a bottle of Vodka on the coffee table and it looks like she had a glass or two, but I don't think that was from last night. She won't really let us get close enough to know the answer."

"What happened last night to push her to this?" He wondered, noting the worry in Bianca's eyes. This wasn't just them finding Erica drunk or drinking, this was something far worse.

"She found that Miranda's middle name is going to be Mona."

"She didn't take that well."

"Threw us all out," She confirmed. "I'm really worried about her, David. I've never seen her like this."

"I need to examine her, so we have to find a way to calm her down, alright?"

"Alright," She nodded, opening the penthouse door now.

Erica was still pacing the room, rambling to herself. She was still wearing the clothes from the previous night. Pizza boxes and soda cans were still on the coffee table, despite Coral's best effort to clean up.

She didn't acknowledge either of them.

"David, thank god you're here," Kendall started, "She's not making any sense."

"Does she know you're here?" He wondered, eyes on Erica as he studied her. He was sure she was having a breakdown, and this was her struggling to pull herself through it.

Reggie shook his head. "She doesn't answer us, but she won't let us near her either. I don't understand what's happening."

"She seems like she's somewhere else entirely," Jack told him, "Even I can't get her to respond."

David nodded and stepped forward. "Erica," He breathed, his voice was low and soft, not wanting to startle her. They had to do this slowly, delicately, or they were going to push her further into her madness.

She stopped at her name, but didn't acknowledge David's presence.

"We're a little worried about you," He started, eyes fixed on her, waiting for any sign she was hearing him. Any sign she was able to follow along, "can you tell us what's wrong so we can help you?"

She looked him at then, eyes cold and blank. "I'm fine," She told him, through the most indulgent smile she could muster.

He raised an eyebrow at her and took a step closer. "I don't think you are. I'd like to examine you, make sure your heart rate and your pulse are in the normal range."

She was silent and still for a few seconds, before turning to face him. She stepped to him this time. "Of course you do, you're doctor God. That's what you do, swoop in and play hero to all the damsels in distress."

He could hear the icy, venom in her words. She hated him. "I care about you, Erica and I want to make sure that you and the baby are okay."

She cocked her head at him, and flashed him a knowing smile. "The baby…." She pushed out on an angry breath, as she stepped away. She crossed the room and made her way closer to where her family stood. "My miracle. My gift from god. The balm to wounded soul," She pushed the words out, her voice shaking with anger. "Well guess what, everyone? I don't even want it!"

Jack shook his head. Bianca covered her mouth in shook. Kendall's eyes fluttered closed. And Reggie watched with wide eyes.

"That's right," She hissed back that them, eyes sliding between them all, before landing on David. "I don't want it!"

"Mom…" Kendall started, but Jack spoke first.

"Honey you need help, please listen to David."

"Oh you want me to listen to David?" She laughed at that, eyes blazing into him. "You want him to help me? Want him to take care of me? Take care of this baby? This is all his fault anyway."

Bianca shot David a worried glance. There was no telling what she was willing to lay bare, and it was in everyone's best interest to stop her before she said something they would all regret.

"Erica," David started, lowering his voice just enough that the other's would struggle to hear him, "don't say something you can't take back."

She nodded and stepped to him, leaning in close. "You mean don't tell him you might be the father."

Her tone was cold. Emotionless. She didn't care if they heard. She didn't care if it broke their hearts. She didn't care about any of it.

"Stop it," He warned, "You don't need to do this."

"What do you know? What the hell do any of you know?" She asked of them, "You just keep smiling. Acting like everything is okay. Like life is happy and wonderful. Why won't any of you deal with it?"

"Like you are, Erica?" Kendall bit out, "By losing yourself in alcohol? You're pregnant and you're so unwilling to do deal with your issues that you would rather drink and put your child's health at risk."

"Kendall," Jack warned, shaking his head at her. They couldn't engage her. They couldn't play into her hands.  
Erica took a step toward Kendall, but didn't speak. They all saw her wince before he could speak.

"Erica…" David was at her side instantly, Jack hurrying toward them.

She leaned forward and grasped her stomach.

David lead her to the couch, sitting her down quickly. "Are you having contractions?" He asked, hand on her wrist as he checked her pulse.

She shook her head. This child hated stress and always seem to know how to tell her when she'd taken it too far. When she was dancing on the edge with both of their health.

"Sweetheart, you can't keep going like this," Jack flanked her left side, his voice soft and soothing.

David listened to her heart. "Heart rate is high, but good. Pulse is elevated, though, it's nothing to be concerned with. Are you sure that wasn't a contraction?"

She nodded, but refused to look at him. At either them.

"When was the last time you slept? Ate?" David asked, watching Bianca, Kendall and Reggie talk amongst themselves. Her confession seemed to have been missed.

She shrugged, unwilling to let him be her savior yet again.

"Last night, I think," Jack told him, "I don't think she's slept either."

"We need to get her something to eat, and I've got a mild sedative in my bag."

Jack nodded. "I'll come get you when she's ready for the sedative." Jack stood and offered Erica his hand. She refused to acknowledge him or the help he was offering. "Come on, sweetheart, we need to get you calmed down. I'll make us something to eat."

She stood this time, still unwilling to acknowledge him. He led her away slowly, coaxingly.

"What were all of you doing here?" David wondered when Jack and Erica left the room.

"I was worried about her after last night," Reggie shrugged, "What's wrong with her?"

"She's just walking a really tight rope right now," David offered, "She's been hurt by a lot of things and she's not coping."

"She needs to get over it," Kendall added, less than amused with any of this. "They're her issues, not ours."

"We did this to her," Bianca reminded her. "We lied. We deceived her. We set her up for this."

"We were trying to protect her."

"Everyone needs to go, okay?" David told him, "She needs to calm down. Jack needs to try to get her to eat and I'll give her something to help her sleep."

"Why waste your time?" Kendall asked, "She's not going to wake up and be Erica again. She's enjoying all the attention."

"Kendall, please…" Bianca begged, blinking back tears.

"I don't need this anyway." She was gone before anyone could ask any more questions, slamming the door behind her.

"I better go check on Lily," Reggie mused, unsure what his next move was. "You'll make sure she's okay?" He asked of Bianca.

"I won't leave until she's asleep," She assured him, hugging him tight. "She'll get through it, Reggie. We just have to keep loving her."

He offered her and David a nod, and made his exit.

"What are we going to do, David?" Bianca asked when she was sure they were alone. "She's not getting better."

"Bianca she's not drunk," He started, "I think you're right, she hasn't had a drink since last night. That in itself is progress. This whole thing this morning, this is Erica fighting back, trying to find her way back to us."

"A nervous breakdown is a good thing?" She wondered, not sure that she liked any of this.

"Anything that makes her put down the alcohol and start trying to deal with her demons is good. She's got a long way back to us, Bianca, but she's in there."

She nodded. "She didn't mean what she said, David, about the baby."

"No she did mean it," He admonished, "She means everything she says right now. She's not thinking clearly. She'll come around."

"She's lucky to you," She offered through the watery smile.

"She's lucky to have you," He replied, "She loves you. You're her world. Don't forget that."

She would find her way out of the darkness. Out of her hell. It would be a long, painful road. Full of words and deeds she would regret. But she would come back to them. And all they could to help was wait.

Let her slay her demons on her own terms.

They would be here waiting.

 **To be continued**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Theme's of suicide and thoughts of it, in this one. So just keep that in mind before you read (This one isn't overly dramatic, but the next one will be).

Hope you like! Or if you don't, you'll tell me.

 **Chapter 11**

Pine Valley was beautiful from up high. All it's lights were on display, gleam and twinkling in the night sky.

She'd never been up here before. The roof of Pine Valley Hospital. It was surpassingly easy to get to. She'd take the elevator to the last for, and on her way down a corridor, she'd seen an exit for the roof. An unlocked door allowed her unrestricted access.

If she looked far enough, she could see Enchantment off in the distance. The Valley Inn was close enough that she could make out the windows to each room. And Memorial Park was to her left.

The ground was below her. Concrete and trash bins. Pine Valley Hospital was only seven stores, so it wasn't overly high. Still though, if she jumped, she probably wouldn't wake up.

It wasn't an altogether terrible thought. It would save her from pain that was about to be unleashed on her soul.

Bianca was in labor.

She was bringing that monsters baby into the world, three floors below.

The entire town was coming and going, offering their support and spreading their joy.

She didn't understand how they did it. How they all acted like this child was the second coming. Like its birth was somehow going to take away all the pain; make it all okay.

Jackson had insisted she come. Sit with the rest of the family. Act like she cared. Like she was soon to be a doting and loving grandmother, who couldn't wait to hold the child. Plaster on smiles and greet the good folks of Pine Valley with phony pleasantries.

She had no intention of waiting. She wasn't even going to look at it if she didn't have to and she surely wasn't going to hold it.

Bianca didn't know what she was doing. Couldn't understand what having the bastard's child in the world meant. She had no idea what she was going to feel when she looked into that child's eyes. The pain. The shame. The guilt. It was going to stare back at her with such force, it would take her breath away.

And she was going to hate the child.

Hate what it stood for. What it meant. What it's every breath brought back to her mind.

It was never going to end. She was never going to stop seeing Michael Cambias. That child would always be there to remind her of the horror she had suffered.

Why didn't Bianca listen? Why didn't the town listen? Why did every one minimize her feelings and say that she was being dramatic?

None of them knew what Bianca was going to face. But she did.

And one day, when Bianca couldn't stand the sight of her child she'd willingly brought into the world, she would be the first one there to help her ease themselves of the situation.

She was pacing the length of the roof, stopping every few minutes to peer over the edge. She let her toes hang off just slightly, keeping her heel firmly planted. If she just leaned forward slightly, she wouldn't have to think about any of this any longer.

_

"I've looked all over," Ryan shook his head as he informed Jack, "I can't find her."

"No one saw her leave," Jack reminded him. The hospital's closed circuit cameras had confirmed it. "She has to be here."

"Has anyone paged David?" Greenlee wondered, "Maybe she's with him."

Jack shook his head. "He just went in to see Bianca; said he hadn't seen Erica since we first brought Bianca in."

Kendall and Maggie were with Bianca, acting as her birthing coaches and were unware that Erica had fled, and they hoped that meant Bianca was unware as well. David had promised not to mention anything when he'd gone to check on Bianca.

"Where else could she be?" Ryan wondered, catching sight of Myrtle and Opal approaching them.

"We had every empty room searched and she isn't in them," Opal said, shaking her head. "I don't understand where she could have gone."

"I'm starting to worry," Myrtle said through a shaky breath, "She hasn't been herself for months and now this disappearing act. You don't think…"

Tad came barreling down the hallway, "We found he," He huffed, trying to catch his breath long enough to form words. He'd run down three flights of stairs, unwilling to wait for an elevator. He didn't think they had time to wait.

"Thank god," Jack breathed, "Where is she?"

"On the roof," Tad pushed out, chest still heaving. "Palmer is trying to talk to her, but she wasn't responding to us, and she's really close the edge…"

"What?" Ryan asked, eyes wide as Jack made his way to the elevator.

Tad shook his head. "Palmer is worried…."

"She's not thinking about that!" Jack warned as he paced near the elevator doors.

"I think we need to get up there and figure out how to get her down," Tad told them, pointedly. There needed to be some urgency to their movements, as Palmer hadn't even been to get Erica's attention. Jack and Ryan got onto the elevator seconds later. All he could do was hope that it was enough to talk some sense into her. "Mama, wait here, please," Tad asked of her, "I'll have Jack come get either of you if we needed. I think the less audience we have for this, the better."

"Tad if she's…" Myrtle started, but she choked on the words. The thought alone was almost too much to bare.

"I don't know what's she's doing. Or what is going on in that gorgeous mind of hers, but Jack and Palmer can talk to her. I'm going to let Dad and the hospital know. If Hayward comes out, you might want to send him up. I think she's going to need a doctor and he knows her case."

They nodded, moving in to hold one another as Tad headed for the stairs.

They were supposed to be waiting for life to begin, yet here they were, having to pray that life wasn't going to end on the same night.

 **To be continued**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** This isn't going to be the end of Erica's struggles, and she hasn't put down the booze just yet. **THIS** is where she reminds us she's in there and will find her way out. I think part of Erica's troubles during this storyline is that one one listened to her. Everyone told her it was okay, get over it, Bianca has. So I took the approach that maybe the way to get her out of the darkness, is to have someone start listening to her.

Hope I did it justice.

 **Chapter 12**

Palmer was standing near the entrance door, trying to talk Erica into coming over to speak with him.

"Palmer," Jack breathed, "why aren't you out there?"

He shook his head, his face etched with fear. "The further out I step, the closer to the edge she gets. Had her toes hanging off just a few seconds go."

Ryan and Jack exchanged worried glances. "Has she said anything?"

"Just tells me not to come out, and that she's fine, she's just thinking."

Jack nodded and Palmer stepped to his side, allowing Jack to pass. "Sweetheart," He started, his voice low and soft. She was so close to the edge that the last thing they wanted to do was startle her. "Are you okay? What are you doing up here?" He stepped closer, watching her as he did so.

She had stopped pacing and had her back to him. She was standing just behind the ledge and seemed to content not to move or look at him. "I'm fine," She breathed, her tone cold and distant. "I just need to think."

"Of course," Jack said, "I don't think this is the best pace for that. Let's come inside." He was getting closer to her with each step, and was hoping to be at her side in only a few steps.

"Don't come any closer," She hissed, still refusing to look at him. She slid her feet closer to the edge, let her toes hang loosely over the edge.

"Erica," Jack pushed out on a shaky breath. "We need to go back downstairs. Bianca needs us."

"Move away from me," She ordered. She wasn't joking and they could all hear the conviction in her tone.

He nodded and took two steps back.

"Bianca is fine, Jack. She has Maggie and Kendall, and she'll have that child soon enough." They winced at the venom on her tongue. The hate that spewed from her words when she spoke of Bianca's child.

"You're her mother. Miranda's grandmother," He tried to reason with her.

"I swear Jackson if you don't get off this roof right now…" She shouted, back still to him.

She was so close to the edge that if she leaned forward even slightly, she would fall over.

Jacks swallowed back a hard breath and did as she asked. "Honey, please! Just come inside. You're scaring us."

She nodded. "Amazing how much you care about me now. When there aren't any lies left to protect me from."

"Erica we love you," Palmer added, "And we don't want you getting hurt."

"I'm fine, Palmer. Really."

"Erica," Ryan started, "We can talk about all of this downstairs. Just step back from the ledge."

"Oh Ryan," She smiled, "You're such a good man. Always trying to save the Kane Women from ourselves. Too bad you aren't part of the family. Maybe you would have told me the truth."

Tad stepped off the elevator behind them. He told them quickly and quietly, not wanting Erica to hear, that the hospital was aware of what was happening and would allow them fifteen more minutes to reason with Erica before calling the police and fire departments.

"Sweetheart," Jack blew out on a shaky breath, "please at least step back from the ledge. If you want to think, sit down. Just please stay away from the edge."

"I like it on the edge," She told them, her voice peaking with more life than they'd heard from her in months. "it makes me feel alive."

"Jesus," Ryan said, eyes on Jack and Palmer. "We have to get her inside."

"I'm worried she's going to jump if we try," Jack's voice cracked as he finally spoke the truth that they all feared.

They heard Tad talking behind them, filling someone in on what was happening. On why they were all standing just outside the door on the roof top.

"Hayward," Ryan acknowledged as David stopped next to them. "Palmer and Jackson have both tried to get close to her, help her in. But she won't let them more than a few feet from her."

"Has she said anything?" He wondered, eyes focused on Erica.

Jack shook his head. "Nothing of substance. If we go out there, I'm worried she's going to jump."

David forced out a hard breath and nodded. "They don't really teach you how to handle this in medß school," He offered through a teasing smile. "But I'd like to try something. Will you let me?" He asked of Jack.

Jack hesitated momentarily, unsure what David could try that they hadn't already. "Don't bait her, David. Don't try to fight her on this, she can't take it."

He nodded before stepping further on the roof. "Erica…"

"Ah, doctor God, I was wondering when you would ride in to play hero."

"I'm not here to play hero, Erica. I'm only here to listen."

"Listen," She scoffed shaking her head, "Why do you care about me anyway? Why aren't you downstairs ensuring that Bianca's sainted child is born safely?"

"Doctor Clader and his team are with her, and everything is going great."

She nodded. "Isn't that wonderful?"

"It is wonderful, for Bianca," He confirmed, "But not for you."

She had stepped back from the ledge now, and was pacing the length of the roof again. 'She doesn't know what's she's doing, David. She doesn't know the hell that child is going to put her through."

He took a slow, hesitant step toward her. "It's different for her, Erica. She doesn't see Miranda as a violation of her body and soul. She sees her a gift for managing to survive. For holding on and not letting Michael Cambias beat her."

"What is going to do when that baby comes out looking just like Michael?" She cried in his direction, though she still refused to face him.

"Maybe she won't look at all like Michael. Maybe she'll look like Bianca, or like you." He paused at that, to gauge her reaction.

She stopped pacing and turned slowly. "That's not possible. She will always see Michael."

He could hear her voice starting to crack, her the tears she was struggle to keep at bay. And he took a step toward her. "You don't see Richard Fields when you look at Kendall."

"Not anymore," She admitted, "but it took years for us to get here."

"Bianca doesn't need years; she's already made peace with her demons. She's already decided to love Miranda for Miranda. She is going to be okay, Erica. They both are."

"How do you know that?" She begged of him, an errant tear escaping despite her best efforts.

He was only a few steps from her, but didn't close the space between them. He wanted to give her time, let her come to him, let her end this. Let her start to make her own peace.

"Because Bianca is strong. And she's so stubborn," He heard her laugh a little at that and his heart beat loud in his chest. He hadn't heard her laugh in months. "She's your daughter, Erica, and you have raised her to be brave and fearless. To face her demons head on. She can get through this."

She blew out a hard sigh and shook her head. "How am I?"

He almost let out a cry of joy. She was in there, she was fighting, and she was finding her way back to them. "You're going to take it one day at a time and let your friends and family help you through it."

"I don't want any more lies," She forced out through tear soaked words, "I can't handle any more lies."

"No more lies," He nodded, and offered her a soft smile. "Let's get out of here," He said, holding out his hand to her.

Her eyes flashed with anger.

"You don't have to wait downstairs," He added quickly, fearing he was going to erase the little bit of progress she had made if he didn't think fast. "I'll take you anywhere you want to go. Except a bar."

She laughed a little at that, and gave him a soft smile. "I haven't had a drink in over a week."

His smile widens at that, and he stepped toward her. Hand still extended to her. "That's a good start."

"I'm trying," She acknowledged as she reached for his hand.

"I know," He nodded, pulling her close. Needing to know that she was there, that this was over. That she wasn't dancing on the edge any more. "I know."

She kept her hand in his as they crossed the last half of the roof. Jack was waiting for her with open arms, and free flowing tears. Palmer, Tad and Ryan stepped away, allowing them space.

David watched from her left as she buried her head in Jack's chest.

She still had long road ahead of her. He wasn't foolish enough to believe that an alcoholic putting down the booze for a week or two meant they weren't drinking anymore. She hadn't made peace with Miranda or Bianca's choice yet either. But it was her first step toward the light.

It was hope

And it was more than they'd had in weeks.

 **To be continued**


End file.
